Is it possible for a person who is gay to become straight?

For many years the answer to this question was "Of course not. Once that way, always that way." Now, people are beginning to acknowledge that our sexuality is more "fluid" than we thought. In other words, it can fluctuate and change over time rather than being unchangeable and constant for one's entire life.

Changing isn't easy, but it is possible for some people. Pat's story is just one example. She is a former lesbian who was in a relationship with another woman for five years. Today, she is no longer attracted to women but experiences sexual attraction to men.

Please note that we said, "... possible for some people." Sexuality is complex. While there are definitely people who have experienced a full change in their sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual, no one can say whether a specific person will find complete freedom from same-sex attractions.

If you don't believe that acting on feelings of same-sex attraction is the best thing for you, you can pursue the option of change. There are others who have chosen that option, and various resources available to help you. But there are no guarantees. You may experience radical change. You may experience moderate change. Or you may not experience any change in your attractions. If this is the case, at some point you will need to accept things as they are. Accepting things the way they are does not mean that you have to be sexually active; it means that you accept the fact that you experience same-sex attraction and that this attraction is not changing at this time and so you direct your energies and attention to making the most of life.

Get real. Aren't people who say they've changed just pretending? Or maybe they were never gay in the first place...

One man's response to that argument went something like this: "If I never was gay in the first place, why did I spend 10 years in gay bars and having sex with other men? If I am still gay, then why have these last 7 years with my wife been the most wonderful years of my life?" His story indicates that he has experienced a radical turnaround in terms of his attractions and desires.

Of course, some people who say they've changed may just be pretending. And, as is sometimes suggested, some who say they've changed were bisexual (attracted to both men and women) to start off with, which makes claims of change hard to verify. But many who say they've changed were exclusively homosexual to begin with, which makes change significantly more convincing!

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